Well I’m back with an explanation on my absence/recent realizations…I’m extremely nervous to post this because it’s so personal, but I want to be 100% honest with you guys.

Just a warning before you dive in…

1. The opinions I express in the book review are solely mine and I wasn’t paid in any way to write them.
2. I’m sorry if this subject offends anyone in any way.
3. Apologies in advance for the MASSIVE word puke–although I would truly appreciate it if you read it all the way through to understand where I’m coming from.

We good? Alright, let’s go.

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So remember that life changing book I mentioned awhile back? It’s this one by Steven Bratman. My dad suggested we read it as a family and WOW. Just wow. I highly recommend it.

This book made me come to grips with a “self-diagnosis” of sorts: I have orthorexia aka an unhealthy obsession with healthy food. Although it may seem bizarre, I’m not ashamed to stand on my pedestal and shout it to the heavens. Why? Because I know it’s detrimental to both my body and my mind and I think getting it out in the open makes it less “scary” and monster-like.

So what in this book made me come to his conclusion?

• Taking this quiz featured in the book and getting a pretty dang high score
• The countless times I said, “OH MY WORD THAT’S ME” while reading it
• Realizing how some sites/blogs/articles I read silently embrace this unhealthy lifestyle and lambast anything unhealthy…basically triggering me to continue down the path to obsession

Some may think, what the heck so bad about loving healthy food? To be honest, it’s not bad….that is, until you cross the line into obsession territory. Spending hours a day thinking of food, isolating yourself, and worrying about anything that deviates from “healthy” are just a few of the side effects of the deeper, underlying issues of Orthorexia. 

This book goes into details about problems associated with such an obsessive lifestyle, the different forms it comes in, and how to heal. Heck, the author himself struggled with Orthorexia for many years and shares his compelling journey back to health. He admits it was arduous and difficult to learn how to eat like a normal person again. But in the end, it restored balance in his life and was worth it.

So here’s where my story enters…

As long as I can remember, I’d dealt with GI troubles and pain due to oats and most dairy products; specifically greek yogurt. About 2 years ago, I stumbled upon ”paleo” before it exploded with trendy popularity. I embraced it solely because it cut out the foods that hurt my body. I thought it was a solution; a light at the end of a painful GI tunnel.

Things were going well…but soon problems arose. With my “perfectionistic” thoughts, I started taking it to an obsessive level and began to demonize foods that weren’t paleo…. Bread. Cereal. Peanut butter. Anything with ingredients I couldn’t pronounce. Processed foods.

Pretty soon, I was listening to every diet trend. My “acceptable” foods were down to a measly handful.

Besides my initial problem foods (oats and dairy), my body could handle “non-paleo” foods just fine, but I began to nix them from my diet for dumb reasons. Enter restriction and nasty thoughts.

A few months ago, I got SICK of it. My life became devoid of fun, flavor, and happiness. I had sacrificed opportunities and memories solely because of “meal timing” or my orthorexic restricted diet. My initial combat came in the form of my food bucket list. Man, that list has helped me break free SO much.

recent conquerings: mike and ikes, gushers, and a 12 oz steak at outback

Coupling that list with ”Health Food Junkies” was a recipe for a life changing eye opener, which brings us to the present. But despite the book and the list, I continue to put this crazy pressure on myself to live up to some perfect standard.

So I’m taking action.

Why stay in an environment that’s only setting me back?

My plan:

• keep working on my challenge list
• remove myself from situations that trigger me (aka blogs, instagram, shows, etc)
• take up more hobbies I enjoy like drawing, art, and reading
• pray (the biggest of them all)

Basically, I’m sick and tired of constantly being triggered by things on the news or blogs uplifting Orthorexic tendencies.

Like labeling certain foods as the devil, blasting people who don’t “eat clean” or bragging about having “cheat meals” that in reality are healthier than the average freaking American dinner. My brain’s like UGH JUST STOP. I know some people may think “oh this is a lifestyle, we have to act this way.” Well, to me, I think it’s unhealthy and I’m tired of those unattainable standards. Living in an atmosphere where I feel like I’ll let people down for not advocating “healthy” 24/7 is just not worth it. To be honest, it’s stupid.

So this is where I draw the line. I’ve realized my problem and need to fix it by relying on God. Some may view this as a “cop out” or weakness while others may think it’s awesome, but truthfully, I don’t care what others may think because I know this is what’s right for me.

Now, I’m not saying I’m just gonna go hog wild and embrace junk food like no tomorrow. No. I mean I genuinely enjoy eating healthy foods. But to a point where it becomes restrictive, orthorexic and obsessive? To a point where I feel compelled to maintain a healthy image all the freaking time? Yeah, no. It’s not worth it. If I want a f*cking pb&j on the whitest of the white wonder bread, I’ll have it. “Ooooh but what about all the creepy ingredients and the enriched flour?! You’ll get diabetes! You speak blasphemy!!!!!”  Ummm all I have to say is STFU. 

white bread. healthy? not really. delicious? hell yes.

I believe Orthorexia is on the rise in our society and it really scares me. But, I believe resources like this book can help nip this disorder in the bud before it becomes a full blown killer like other eating disorders. I believe instead of focusing on quality of food or macros or cleanliness, we should be focusing on relationships, family, and memories we create.

If you think you may struggle with Orthorexia, I sincerely hope you’ll consider reading this book and join me in healing while continuing to challenge yourself/society. Let’s fight this together!

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Again, I apologize if this subject offends anyone, but I just had to get that off my chest and give you guys some explanations. I think confronting these issues upfront and getting out of my self-made orthorexic environment is the only way for me to truly heal.

You probably won’t see me around the blog world or Instagram that much anymore, solely because I’m focusing. Focusing on healing my mind and body. Focusing on learning in college. Focusing on fun outside of healthy living. Focusing on LIFE and balance.

I may pop in occasionally, but for now I think I just gotta detach myself from the triggers, start fresh, and focus on what’s best for ME. 

So this isn’t a final goodbye…more like a “see you later.”

Until we meet again, I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day my friends. ****If you want to keep in touch or become friends on Facebook, PLEASE hit up my email girlbob212[at]gmail[dot]com!!! Your support, friendship and kindess honestly mean the world to me and I’ve cherished getting to know you guys. Thank you for being such amazing friends!  God bless <3

(obligatory ace ventura farewell heehee)

Man guys, I really appreciate all the support on my decision not to blog as much.

I know I may get some grief for this, but I feel like the blog world can sometimes be extremely triggering when it comes to living up to certain “clean” standards….

I don’t want that in my life anymore and I’m at a point where I just need to focus on academics and staying healthy both mentally and physically. Normally I like to keep things positive on my blog, but tomorrow I plan on writing up a post with a little more detail about my recent realizations and reasons for blogging less.

For today though, I thought I’d share some new, happy things. After spending an incredibly fun weekend with my mom, I’ve been counting my blessings and cherishing every memory. My 2013 jar is filling up fast haha!

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New deliciousness: Bison! I rarely buy it since it’s pricy but man is it yummy.

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New clothes: Amanda from pv body contacted me a few weeks ago about a review and I was STOKED to get on board! Basically, PV Body is a monthly clothing subscription box where you receive new fitness clothes from different brands each month. After taking a style quiz, you get matched up with things that suit your preference. 

The quiz must’ve had style ESP with me because I LOVED my outfit–black workout compression tights and a blue tank. Both are super comfy and perfect for both lounging and working out. Y’all gotta check out the company–and if you’re interested, you can get 20% off on your order by going here!! Thanks again Amanda for letting me do this review

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New adventures: Nothing beats a girls weekend with mom–lots of laughs, shopping, crab, and scenery watching

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New classes: Spring Semester begins Wednesday! I’m taking Vertebrate Zoology with a lab, Parasitology with a lab, Marine Ecology with a lab, Economics, and Speech. It’s gonna be jam packed but I can’t wait…especially for Parasitology mwahaha

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New appreciation: I managed to get an A in stats! Thanks to a wonderful professor, I thoroughly enjoyed the class and was SO happy to be able to get 4 credits in two weeks with it.

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Like I said at the top, tomorrow, I’ll be posting that book review/realization post I promised awhile back….just a warning ahead of time…it may cause some controversy, but I feel it’s something I have to share.

Well that’s about it from my neck of the woods, sending lots of hugs and blessings from Texas!

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What’s your new favorite thing? Do you like crab legs?

Have a great day!

The light of the computer BURNS!!! I’ve been buried DEEP in my stats cave hahaha But I had a little free time this morning so I thought I’d pop in with a quick update!

Stats is going SUPER well–it’s not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be and don’t tell anyone…but I actually really like it…. There I said it haha I’m a math dork but I didn’t think I would enjoy this kind of math–boy was I wrong! It’s kinda fun punchin in all the numbers and figuring out real life applications. You can officially classify me as a level 20 nerd.

Another thing– I had a realization in the shower last night about the direction of my blog. I’ve kinda enjoyed this hiatus and just living life rather than “reporting” about everything I do etc. So I think when the regular semester begins, I’m going to just blog about big realizations or big updates on progress. I want my posts to have quality meaning rather than something people just skim, ya know?

Anywho, I gotta go pack my massive lunch box and get ready for the day…with all this junk plus my backpack and purse, I am officially a pack mule hahaha

Stats ends on Friday and my mom’s coming out to visit for the weekend (SO STOKEDDD!!!!!!!), so I hope this week SOARS by!!

Hope y’all are doing well! Sending big hugs from Tejas!

(PS– if you’ve emailed me, sorry I haven’t gotten back to you, I promise to try to reply this weekend when I’m free!)

Wow wow wow. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the kindness and support on my last post. I don’t know if the dictionary contains a word that could adequately sum up my feelings of gratitude. Your support, personal accounts, and motivational words are what keep me going!! 2013 is going to be the best year ever, for all of us.

This morning’s post is going to be a quickie…

For the next two weeks, my life is gonna be consumed with Stats. 

We had our first class on the 4th and our final is on the 18th. My prof is AWESOME and since it’s his first time teaching this 2 week course, he’s super lenient! The actual course material isn’t that bad either…so far…

With lecture from 8-12 and lab from 1-4, Monday through Friday, blogging has to take a backseat.

It’s kind of a bummer because so much has been happening in my life recently (mostly good things!), but I don’t want to give y’all half-assed posts–I want to sit down and delve into some deep stuff.

But for now, I’ll share quick highlights I plan to expand on after Stats!

• I’m doing this idea I saw on Pinterest for 2013. Basically you write cool things that happened to you during the year and place them in a jar. Then, on Dec. 31st, you open it and review all the happiness! Amanda’s doing something similar–it’s SO fun!!!
• No longer work out at my apartment. I decided to join a local small gym so I can continue making progress with the assistance of a new trainer. He’s freakin awesome! Props to my daddio for discovering this place/trainer–if you’re reading this, thanks so much for your help dad!!
• Have my first workout this morning before class, SO stoked!
• Cut down working out to 3 days a week as opposed to 5
• If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know I also invested in a quality weight gainer protein powder. I bought this kind at Vitamin Shoppe–you split the serving in half and consume for snacks or post workout. It tastes AMAZING and the ingredients aren’t too shabby! Highly recommend.
• Kicked a few more challenges in the buttocks
• Finished a life-changing book that exposed a lot of deep, underlying crud. Will review asap!
• After the Wendy’s experience and additional trial and error (ouch), I definitely have some type of intolerance to glutens. So, I’ve been trying new gluten free products like breads, rice, pasta, and cereals to sub for regular potatoes and sweet potatoes 24/7. Happy to report no tummy troubles! My favorite new find? Definitely Gorilla Munch cereal. OH MY HEAVENS it’s laced with drugs.

……..Even though the gorilla on the box kinda creeps me out……..

Sorry to leave you hanging, I promise I’ll go into more detail when I have free time! While I won’t be blogging/commenting a lot, I’ll still be reading your posts and updating on Instagram @freckled_lifter if you wanna follow any shenanigans Man, I’m already looking forward to flushing all this Stats info when these two weeks are over haha

Before I go, I had to share this meme…apologies for the language, but it’s SO FUNNY.

And with that, I’m off to da gym and class!

Have a fantastic next few weeks guys!!! 

Welp I’m officially back at college.

HUH?!?! Why so soon you ask? Well I decided to take a 2 week mini January course to get my credit for Statistics over with. I’m kinda dreading it, but at the same time, I’m STOKED to get it done in such a short time frame. I already invested in a copy of “Statistics for Dummies” heehee I have a feeling it’ll be worn out pretty quickly.

Last week, I promised y’all I’d give a recap on some of the challenges I’ve done recently! So without further ado, here are the highlights WOOP WOOP!!!

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Reese’s Large Dairy Queen Blizzard

This went down 12/21/12 with my parents! It was like a blizzard/Mayan/end of the world PARTAYYYY

• Feelings before: HURRY UPPPPPP server man, I want it RIGHT MEOW! (I’m not the most patient patron)
• During: This is so freaking delicious. I’m gonna be sad when it’s over…hey wait a second…the guy seriously slacked on amount of Reese’s in this…what gives?
• After: On cloud nine! Actually…I was more like, “WORLD DOMINATION!!!!” haha Eeeeeven though I got a REALLY bad queasy tummy ache about an hour afterwards. But lawd have mercy was it worth it.

Like the first Blizzard challenge, this one went off without a hitch. I had no guilt, felt awesome (minus turning into a queasy-machine) and literally felt super powers coursing through my veins…or maybe that was sugar….haha Either way it was EPIC. One recommendation–don’t get Blizzards when it’s 30 degrees and windy outside.  BRRRRR.

And now for some obligatory blizzard porn…

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Original M&M’s

Occurred 12/23/12. Scene of the demolition? My living room.

• Feelings before: Ooooh this is gonna be so yummy! It’s been far too long Mr. M&M.
• During: Hmmm interesting…these really stick to your back teeth like glue haha
• After: Good, but man those really lacked luster. But hooray!! Anotha one bites the dust!

I was kinda sad about this one. While it was a success, I was hoping they’d taste better. I don’t know if the formula is new or if my tastebuds just changed, but they weren’t the psycho delicious candies I loved as a kid. Bummmmeeerrrrr

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Wendy’s Nuggets and Frosty

Went down 12/29/12. This one was lifechangingly tasty. I ordered a small vanilla frosty (WHICH IS SO MUCH TASTIER THAN THE CHOCOLATE btw) and the 10 piece nuggets.

• Feelings before: Ooooh I can’t wait! Just the smell of these nuggets is killing me with awesome.
• During: HOLY HIPPOS I missed these nuggets SO much! Good Lord.
• After: Happy and actually proud of myself. No guilt or regret. It redeemed my McDonald’s experience.

SO dang delicious.

There was one major downside though…I literally turned into a pain-ridden, drunkard afterwards. My mom is my witness–she wanted to give me a sobriety test haha. We had lunch around 12:00 and by 1:00, my stomach was literally in knots, I was in the worst mental fog/fatigue ever, and developed a migraine. The headache and stomach discomfort lasted throughout the afternoon and into the next day. I have never been in so much excruciating pain in my life. I’m wondering if it was the gluten in the breading of the nuggets? I’m doing some trial and error to find out.

So that sucked hardcore. But I lived and learned and enjoyed the hell outta those nuggets pre-pain.

Before we move on, I feel obliged to share this food porn. You know you dip it, too.

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Apple and Nut Butter

forgot to take an after pic booo

Went down the same day as Wendy’s (12/29/12) at dinner at Whole Foods. I got the biggest Honeycrisp I could find and paired it with one of those Artisana cashew butter packs to have alongside my dinner. Go ahead and label me as a freak-tard, but I honestly have no idea why my brain says this is a “scary” combo…I mean, I eat apples and nut butter all the time, just never together…?

• Feelings before: Praying my apple wouldn’t be bruise-ridden. My stomach was still killing me from the Wendy’s though
• During: Happy overload–cashew butter is the elixir of life on this apple. Oh my lanta.
• After: My brain is retarded for deeming this a “dangerous combo.” I’m recreating this EVERY. DAY.

Again, no guilt afterwards and one heck of a happy tummy! Only regret: Why haven’t I defeated this sooner?!

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To some out there, this may seem corny or dumb, and you may be thinking, “WTF Alex. Just eat the dang food and move on, quit making such a big deal about it. Seriously.” But for someone who still has a rocky relationship with food, this challenge has strengthened me. It’s allowed the real “Alexandra” to regain her voice and speak up whenever those creepy thoughts try to come in, which ends up forcing “anti-Alexandra” to shut up and leave.

I do want to say, these challenges aren’t meant to be some kind of “magic pill” to heal issues with food. It may not work for everyone, but I feel like it’s allowed me to progress as an individual, so I’ll continue to embrace it. Pushing myself to face these fears has made me feel more powerful. It’s like the more I do, the less afraid/vulnerable I become.

My aspiration for the new year? To continue to do these challenges so eventually I won’t even need a “list.” One day, I’ll be able to chuck all those taboos in the garbage and relinquish any control food has over me. Siyonara douchebag thoughts, hello happiness.

2013 is the year!  

I hope to be back later this week with some other updates, but for now, I have to go get everything ready for Stats class beginning Friday…hurl fest.

So until then….

Hope you guys have a fantastic first week of 2013!!!

Happy New Year’s Eve!!!

I still can’t believe 2012 is kickin the bucket. To end such a grand year, I thought I’d share one of the tastiest concoctions I’ve ever created. Mind=blown.

This creation actually spawned out of a mishap…

So the other day I was trying to make my own puppy chow with some Rice chex with this recipe…

I had just received this AWESOME peanut powder from Sandra and Fun Fresh Foods after she contacted me via email. (Note-this is my sole opinion, I was not paid in any way) It’s probably the most flavorful and tasty peanut flour I’ve had to date! The nutty aroma was to die for. It was reminiscient of the popular PB2, but more peanutty if that’s possible!  

Both the plain and the cacao flavors tasted incredible in smoothies and cottage cheese, so I figured I’d add them in to this puppy chow.

While it may look tasty, I think I jacked up the recipe because they came out SUPER soggy and chewy, but they were tasty nonetheless! Especially with the added peanutty taste from the peanut powder! My family and I enjoyed it, but we missed the lack of crunch.

So I was in a pickle…

But then the miracle happened.

While diggin in the fridge, I saw before me a giant bag of raw pecans our neighbors gave us from their tree. Then it hit me like a water balloon on the first day of summer. PALEO PUPPY CHOW.

Paleo Protein Puppy Chow

Ingredients:
3/4 cup nut butter (I used a homemade blend of cashew and almond)
2.5 cup pecans
2 tbsp honey
2-3 scoops egg white protein powder (you could use any though)

Instructions:
1. Place nut butter in a bowl. You may have to melt it in the microwave if it’s not runny.
2. Add in cashews and stir.

3. Add honey and stir again.
4. Place thick mixture in a freezer Ziploc bag and add protein powder.
5. Shake what you mama gave ya until it’s evenly coated on the pecans.
6. Dump it on wax paper to sift off excess powder (which I saved for smoothies haha)
7. Place in an airtight container and ENJOY!

While nothing can compare to the real deal, this puppy chow tastes almost IDENTICAL to the tried and true fave!!! I was blown away at how good it is! Initially I was scared I’d taste the egginess of the protein, but the nut butter completely masked it! Next time I want to try it with some of that EPIC peanut flour instead of protein powder…..

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Well that’s it from me today! I gotta get ready for New Year’s, I can’t believe it’s almost 2013!

Have an amazing day friends!

Is it just me, or is it freaky Christmas is already over?! I’m in a time warp I swear haha!

Although it flew by at the speed of sound, I truly had a fantastic time with my family!

A few days before Christmas, my parents and I decided to make our own stockings! My mom had made our previous ones when I was born so they were over 20 years old and falling apart. It was SO fun to decorate the new ones–I decked mine out with blue fish fabric, mini dinosaurs, snowmen and sharks, and bells!

Christmas Eve involved candlelight church service, Christmas vacation watching/laughing, and a drive around the neighborhood to view lights.

Christmas day was filled with laughter, memories, chicken and scallops and good food, and snow fun! We got 4 inches!! It was also Kovu’s first snow and he LOVED it!!!

We had SUCH a blast playing in it!!!

I feel so blessed to have received some great gifts this year like puzzles, a finding nemo poster, and sunflower seed butter, but out of the fun doodads, there was one that made me sob like a baby.

Have you ever received a gift that made your biggest dreams come true?

I opened a box to find this stuffed whale shark…

I LOVE him!

But then I was shocked at the paper attached to him….tickets to the Georgia Aquarium to do the “Swim with Whale Sharks” experience!!!!!!! If any of you have read my bucket list, you’ll know it’s #1 on there!!! It’s been my dream FOREVERRRRRR!!!! We’re going over Spring break and while there, we’ll be taking a hike on the Appalachian trail too!! I literally cannot wait–is it bad I want to start packing now?

Amazing doesn’t even begin to describe this holiday. I’ve truly enjoyed being able to relax/unplug/not study, conquer fear foods (more on that in the future) spend time with my loved ones, and have something incredible to look forward to in the new year.

BRING ON 2013!!!!

Well that’s it from me! I’ll be back soon though, I have a lot of stuff to post! Like:

• fear food conquering 
• a new recipe
• a peanut flour review
• new year plans/goals

Hope you guys have a great day!

If you celebrated, how was your Christmas??? Any plans for New Year’s yet?

Have a blessed and beautiful day celebrating the birth of Christ with your loved ones!!

Hopefully it won’t be QUITE as eventful as the Griswold’s haha

I got it last year at Bed Bath and Beyond on sale but was always too scared to use it.

NOT ANYMORE.

It’s so dang versatile and saves so much cash!

Before I delve into some recipes, here’s the neat key on the machine for temps. If you don’t own a dehydrator, try setting your oven to these and dry the same way!

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Some of my favorite things to make:

1. Dried Apples

Instructions:

• Peel apples and cut into thin slices (i like honeycrisp best heehee)
• Layer in dehydrator
• Optional– sprinkle with cinnamon or other spice blends
• 135-140*F for ~8 hours (depends on thickness of slices and dehydrator)
• How to tell when they’re finished: consistency of a raisin. like your skin after sitting in the tub too long
• Cool and store in tupperware or ziploc bags

They taste so much better than the store kind!!!! You can eat them plain, put them on cakes, or my personal fave, use them in your own trail mix!

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#2 Dog Treats

This actually was a miracle from a mess up.

I bought too thinly sliced turkey and kept it on the machine WAY too long, so they came out almost like those pig ear bones you buy for dogs. Solution? I’m giving these to my pups for Christmas!!

Instructions:

• Place turkey strips on dehydrator
• Set dehydrator to 160* F and dry for 6 hours
• How to tell when done: Extremely crunchy texture, almost “chip-like”

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#3 Turkey Jerky

Instructions:

• Buy deli sliced turkey breast/ham/roast beef or have your butcher cut you some that’s about 1/4-1/8 inch thick. You can optionally add seasonings for different flavors.
• Place on dehydrator and set it at 160*F. Time will vary based on thickness of meat and brand of dehydrator. (Mine took only about 2 hours.)
• How to tell when they’re done: Still a little pliable, but with firm edges and barely any pinkness.

I had bought 2 packages and it gave me 6 plastic baggies worth of jerky!! Now that’s what I’m talkin bout!

sorry for the horribly unattractive picture in between classes

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#4 Dried Pineapple Rings

(my fave– they taste like straight up candy!!!!)

Instructions:

• Have a photoshoot with your pineapple before you murder him ***NECESSARY***
• Cut off your pineapple’s head and butt
• Slice off the sides/outer layers
• Cut into circles (you may want to wear gloves, the acid burns after awhile)
• Core the circles with a knife (or a fancy core-er thing that I don’t have haha)
• Set at 135*F on the dehydrator for 10-12 hours
• How to tell when they’re done: No moisture, shriveled like a raisin but still soft

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SO MUCH AWESOMENESS

I feel I should say…I have a dehydrator bucket list going…

• Fruit leather
• Salmon jerky
• These cookies
• Sweet potato chips
• Zucchini chips
• Dried strawberries

Do you own a dehydrator? What’s your favorite dried treat?

Welcome to Part Numero Dos of NYC…The Food Challenges.

For the record, I’ve been making this Food Challenge bucket list my biotch.

While some of the victories came with serious fear and struggle, I still have that initial DQ Blizzard feeling of being unstoppable.

So, let’s recap the recent dominations!!!

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Chili’s Fajitas

Took place the night before we left for NYC (12/13/12). Went with my mom and dad and got the chicken fajitas with pico de gallo. What was cool is they ordered fajitas too! It was a mexican fajita partay!!!

• Feelings before: EXCITED. Hearing the sizzle make its way to the table brought back great memories of when I used to get fajitas
• During: YESSSSSSSS. Tastebud dance party!
• After: SUCCESS. That chicken was heaven and my belly = FREAKING HAPPY.

This challenge went down without any mental issues–in fact it was scary how easy it was! Not to mention extremely delicious.

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McDonald’s Happy Meal

This one was probably the hardest thing ever. It put the challenge in food challenge. It went down for dinner the second night we were in NYC (12/15/12). 

• Feelings before: I seriously don’t think I’m ready for this. I’m about to shat my pants. I stared at the burger for like 5 minutes before I just put on my big girl undies, listened to my dad’s motivational words and buckled down.
• During: I have to inhale this before I back out, I’m not a quitter.
• After: I AM SO THIRSTY. That was NOT the deliciousness I remembered. That tasted like DUNG and I don’t feel satiated. What a waste. I could’ve eaten something better for dinner. Should I eat something else? What the heck did I just do?

The bun straight up tasted like ass. Or an old hairy sofa cushion.  I feel lame for only having half of it, but the texture was just SO gross. And the fries weren’t as droolicious as I remembered either.

I was in a major funk for about an hour after it all went down. Not only was I extremely thirsty from the saltiness (since I’m just not used to it) but I physically felt like poop. And mentally I was battling myself; trying to figure out why I was feeling so defeated when I just accomplished something huge. After reflecting, I realized it was because I felt like the meal was a waste of empty calories. I felt guilty–like “you could’ve had this, this, and this for the same calories as that burger and fries that made you sick, why did you choose that?! Just go order chicken nuggets and an ice cream too.” Once I realized those feelings and vented them to my parents, I felt a lot better. Just having their support was a freaking LIFESAVER.

I mean, really?!?!??! That’s like the smallest fries and burger EVER and yet I’m beating myself up? WTF. So while I felt like utter feces that night, the next morning I felt stronger. Why? Because, no matter how hard it was, I tackled it and was able to check it off the list.

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Legit PB Pickle Sandwich

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12/16/12 in Soho NYC. This was THE BEST experience of my entire life. No lie, that “Pregnant Lady” sandwich changed my tastebuds FOREVER. They offered to cut off the crust for you but I forgot to ask haha

• Feelings before: OMG OMG OMG I cannot wait to nosh on this face sized sammich!!!
• During: beeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp (sound of a flatline on a pulse machine thing)
• After: I just demolished society’s “cursed” white bread and more peanut butter than I think I’ve ever consumed in one sitting. And ya know what? I FEEL AMAZING.

After the McDonald’s experience the night before, it was a huge relief to have something that was actually satisfying/satiating. I’ve never felt so energized from a sandwich in all my years. The taste was phenomenal, the size was monstrously delicious, and the overall energy I had afterwards made this my favorite food challenge to date.

I’m working on recreating it at home with some grain free bread recipes I’ve been trying so I can have the same deliciousness without the intestinal discomfort!

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Captain Crunch Crunchberries

Accomplished 12/19/12 for breakfast! Three words sum it up: Foodgasm-inducing sugar rush.

• Feelings before: This is gonna rock my socks, I can’t wait to see if it brings back good memories from when I was little
• During: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD HAVE I MISSED YOU. My mom is my witness–I literally screamed to the heavens with how amazingly tasty it was (the picture sums it up pretty well haha)
• After: I wanted to devour the whole box. That goodness was JUST what the doctor ordered. SO worth it.

Sidenote, I also tried it mixed in a banana froyo smoothie. HOT MAMA YES. that is all.

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I still have a lot on my list, but hey, progress is progress, right?! My mom likened it to peeling the layers off an onion–it may be stinky, it takes time and there’s thick and thin spots, but eventually you reveal the core. And I’m determined to reach that peaceful, happy place again.

And as my dad told me, tackling this list is allowing me to realize that “off-limits” food DOES NOT control me. I have the power and I can choose whether or not I want to eat something whether it be deemed healthy or not.

So does that mean I’ll eat McDonald’s every day? No. I mean, it literally made me feel like total shitake mushrooms. BUT does it mean I’ll pass it up if that’s my only option when I’m in a pinch? No! Even if it makes me feel gnarly, I’ll still eat it because a). I know it’s not gonna kill me and b). you gotta keep gas in the tank if you want your car to run, not matter if the gas is unleaded or premium.

Ultimately, I know both the “clean” and “dirty” fuel I’m putting in is helping me regain strength. Every morsel is helping me overcome setbacks and continue on the journey to my dreams.

Conquering these things has let me realize that society and our minds have a huge influence over our every decision. This can apply to food, clothes, hairstyles, you name it. What it boils down to is this: are you willing to sacrifice what you love and enjoy just because society says you should? NO. NEVER. Do what You love. What God loves. THEN you will be truly happy.

And with that, I’m off to go watch Christmas movies and finish shopping! AHHH I cannot believe Christmas is so close!!!!

Have a beautiful weekend!

Can anyone relate to any of these experiences? I’d love to hear your stories!!